It has never been more important to reflect on social-emotional development than it is today!

We have been living through times of constant tension among different social groups, widespread intolerance toward diversity, and polarization of ideas. We are constantly concerned about our personal image and the influence of social media on our lives; we have not created concrete opportunities for developing autonomy, but rather have seen overprotective families with adult role models who are not always particularly meaningful.

Furthermore, we must not forget that children are very vulnerable when it comes to making assertive decisions because the prefrontal cortex is the last part of the brain to develop, a process that is not complete until around age 25.

Given this situation, it is urgent that schools and families invest in the social-emotional development of children and adolescents so that they can learn to cope with the challenges of daily life, establish more assertive and mature interpersonal relationships, achieve better academic performance, and prepare for a successful adult life.

To do this, we need to start by developing the five fundamental pillars of emotional intelligence. Let’s look at the first one! We need to develop self-awareness and self-knowledge—that is, to recognize our strengths and talents, our difficulties and weaknesses, how to turn those weaknesses into strengths, and what our desires are.

Based on this personal reflection, we can help foster a better quality of life and well-being for our children and adolescents so that they accept themselves as they are. To this end, it is very important for adults to provide positive reinforcement for assertive behaviors, to recognize the value and effort of their children and students in even small actions, and to serve as role models of consistency and steadfastness in actions grounded in values and principles.

A second area is Self-Control, which involves fostering skills that help children learn how to deal with conflicts and differing opinions, as well as how to express feelings and emotions. To this end, adults should help children and adolescents develop the ability to recognize emotions and feelings, help them name these emotions, and help them not only verbalize them but also express them appropriately in a way that demonstrates respect and empathy.

The third pillar is Social Consciousness, which should enable us to recognize and respect others in their individuality within collective spaces, and to respect differences. To this end, we must practice tolerance and engage in reasoned argumentation to defend different points of view.

A fourth pillar is Relationship Management, which involves practicing empathy, cooperation, and collective responsibility. To foster this, we adults need to encourage children to focus on the characteristics of others and to recognize personal freedom—to the extent that it respects the freedom of others—and we must also promote the understanding that we have collective commitments to the common good.

And last but not least, we need to develop the “Skill of Reconciliation”—that is, a culture of peace, respect, tolerance, and flexibility. To this end, we can help our children and teenagers become more aware of people who are currently fighting for this ideal.

As we work to develop these areas, we must not forget that we need to address everyday issues that will greatly contribute to the holistic development of our children and adolescents. We must remember that this process requires consistency in our daily routines; therefore, in our day-to-day lives, we must ensure that we incorporate actions that are truly appropriate.

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Let’s look at some examples that can help adults in this regard when they notice an area for improvement: to deal with the emotional instability, irritability, and mood swings so characteristic of adolescence, for example, it is very important for adults to encourage reflection on the difference between the real world and the virtual world presented on social media.

We need to foster the development of resilience—that is, the acceptance of “no,” mistakes, and failure as opportunities for personal growth. To this end, team games and board games can be very helpful in developing the ability to wait one’s turn, respect others’ victories, and tolerate one’s own defeat, as well as in developing the ability to argue a point and exchange ideas.

To spark new interests, it is very important that we always offer new challenges and provide opportunities to break from routine so that, for example, children and young people do not become stuck in the routine of using their cell phones, but are encouraged to have a variety of experiences; another suggestion is to create opportunities for conversation in daily life so that adults and children can exchange ideas, take on various commitments, and plan leisure activities together that motivate them.

In addition, it is important for us adults to consider how we can contribute to positive discipline—based on attention, respect, and empathy—so that we can focus our actions on developing solutions rather than imposing punishments. To achieve this, we must use nonviolent communication, which helps build the skills needed to navigate conflicts successfully, for example.

In this process, mistakes and failures should be viewed as acceptable possibilities and as opportunities for growth and overcoming challenges. In this process, we encourage the ability to listen and be heard, and to reflect on one’s own actions and feelings.

In this process, as we develop higher-quality relationships, the following will be allowed: limited, appropriate, and acceptable choices; it will also be possible to define roles at different times that rotate among children and/or students; it will be possible to act more than we speak based on pre-established agreements; we will also be able to positively challenge our children/students; say “no” respectfully; create shared leisure time and set limits on screen time (ages 0 to 6—half an hour daily; ages 6 to 13—1 hour daily; ages 13 and up—2 hours daily, according to the Brazilian and American Academies of Pediatrics) and set a rule to stop using social media an hour and a half before bedtime.

But we know that none of this is an easy process, especially when some habits are already ingrained—so we need to think about how to address negative behaviors in children and adolescents, don't we?

To start with, parents and teachers should say no—without argument, in a calm tone of voice, and even with a respectful, non-sarcastic smile; furthermore, conditions must be set—“If you make your bed before going to school, when you get back you’ll have half an hour to rest or play before doing your homework”—and always end with a question: “No, because there will be alcohol at this party and you’re only 12 years old. Do you have any counterarguments?”

Parents and teachers should view the establishment of boundaries as an opportunity for growth toward a more stable life; to do so, they must also remember to look inward to develop their own self-awareness and self-care, so they can be fully present in this vital relationship of raising our children and students. Each of us adults needs to exercise our authority as educators, as this will make all the difference in the holistic development of our children and adolescents throughout the different stages of life!

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